so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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