but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
