Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
