Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
