my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
