Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
