so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
