yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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