The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
