Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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