Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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