Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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