holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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