its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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