No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
