My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
