dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
