My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
