Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
