My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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