I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
