i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
