I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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