im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
