I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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