bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
