The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
