I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
