My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
