I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
