i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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