can u get pink eye on your cock?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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