these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
