4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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