We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
