your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
