Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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