we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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