I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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