glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
