dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
