I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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