So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
