We're facebook friends in real life
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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