Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
