Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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