he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
