And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
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I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now