gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.