So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.