she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She bit a glass in half.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.