I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it