You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
