so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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