im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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