She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
