none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
