Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
