it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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