she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
