she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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