Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
