when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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