Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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