Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
