I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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