you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
