my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
