Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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