I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
