i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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