I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
