I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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