we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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