a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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