Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
