It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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