You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I deserve this hangover.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
