In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
