I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
